To Claim Eternal Peace

I had trouble signing into the blog today and panicked a little because I was afraid that I had lost the blog somehow. That would have made me even more sad than I already am.

I started reading the sympathy cards last week - probably the day after my last blog. I think writing this to all of you gives me courage to do some of the hard stuff. I did so want to thank people who remembered Bill with a memorial and I didn't want to wait forever to do that. Of course, I received much more in the reading of the cards and the lovely, moving messages of love and hope than I gave in thanking people for their memorials. I also learned something about Card quotes. I am curious now about who writes Christian cards and how they select appropriate Bible quotes. I read those quotes and they mean something to me. In a way I hope that even unbelievers are writing the cards so that God can work in their brains and their hearts.

But, the verse from II Corinthians 1:5 spoke to me and on the card it read: "...Through Christ our comfort overflows..." I always look up the verse because often what is before or after has even more meaning. So - I mistakenly looked up I Corinthians 1:5 (the wrong book totally) and read: "For in him you have been enriched in every way -- in all your speaking and in all your knowledge--" I decided that whoever wrote the quote on the Sympathy card "forced" the meaning of I Corinthians 1:5 into "comfort". Then I realized my mistake. But, I decided that God was speaking to me - that I am enriched. I have the knowledge of Jesus and God's grace and gift of salvation. I am firm in my conviction that Bill is resting with Jesus and that I will join both of them and all of the saints when it is my turn. How often have we stood in line waiting to get into something that we want to go to - sometimes not sure if there will be a seat when we get there. I am standing in line and my place is assured. Isn't the Bible wonderful - even when we read the "wrong" verse, it is the right verse.

So the other "right" verse also spoke to me and where I am feeling right now. It actually starts with verse 3: II Corinthians 1:3-6:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, (4) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (5) For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." It actually goes on to talk about sharing in the suffering and comfort.

I think that I am passing out of the "shock" phase of my horrible tragedy and I am entering the overwhelming, at all times, sad phase. I just plain miss the dear man. I am also putting one foot in front of the other and getting things done. I am starting to think about a future - like months from now. I reserved an airline ticket to go see my sister and her family and my daughter and son in law in Alaska for next July. Yep - going to go by myself. Of course, they will be on the other end to greet and love me. I have started to think about some other places that I want to go and I am thinking about taking my mother in law out East to see her brothers. She really doesn't enjoy traveling alone anymore. In fact, she doesn't enjoy traveling by air, but I think the desire to see her brothers will overrule her concerns about traveling.

I also bought the first Christmas present for one of my loved ones this week. Yes, Christ was born at Christmas. Without the birth and the birthday party there isn't any salvation. So - yes there will be Christmas of a sorts at the Clements house this year. Well - there will be lots of tears too. Oh gosh - I cry every time I write this blog. Sometimes I just wish that God would bring me home too, but we just don't get that choice. I don't like to be this sad.

My mother in law said it very well - She told her brother that she and I put on a good front, but the days are hard. I can even put on a good front for myself for short spurts, but then I realize that I am alone and I cry. I am so grateful for my friends and family. Your cards, emails, phone calls, and even voice mails are keeping me going. It feels so good to know that you think of me and that you think of mom too.

So - God is our God of compassion and comfort. I cling to His gentle arms and I do find comfort. I miss Bill and I will miss him for the rest of my life. I praise God that I know where Bill is and I know that he has claimed eternal peace. I love you all. Sorry this wasn't so upbeat today - please keep me in your prayers. Love, Sue