Springtime blues

That title really doesn't describe what has been going on all of spring, but I guess it sounded good.

First, I know that it has been a long time and I am sorry about that. I keep thinking about the blog, but often at night I am just exhausted, either mentally or physically and I just don't blog.

So, the lead up to Easter was rough. Mom and I went to Lenten services and cried our way through them. Lent is a reflective time, but there are lots of hymns about death and the sacrifice that Jesus made. Easter is usually my favorite holiday, but this year was just trying to get through. I did decide that mom and I shouldn't be alone on Easter and since I love to cook I invited some friends over for Easter dinner. We had lamb and it was great. Bill cooked so many of our more formal dinners, but my lamb turned out very well. I am so very glad that I decided to have people around me on the day that Jesus saved us all for all of eternity.

He is Risen. He is Risen Indeed.

On Easter day I enjoyed our church's potluck breakfast and the dinner. Church itself wasn't easy. I just plain missed seeing my sweetie leading church. I will say - I wondered what kind of celebration goes on in heaven on Easter. I doubt any of us can even begin to imagine it. Lucky Bill - He got to celebrate with the King this year.

After Easter mom and I hosted our friends the Rusches who are on home leave from the mission field in the Philippines. They were visiting their supportive churches and we got them for almost 3 weeks. It was wonderful - truly wonderful. I discovered that I can have overnight friends and enjoy them, plan for them, and keep my life going while they are here. For those of you who are married I know that you know how you share so many tasks. I am finding that one of the things I am learning about myself if that I can do things on my own and still enjoy it. Obviously mom helped with lots of things so that was helpful too.

So I also turned 59 since I last talked with you all. Amanda flew down from Anchorage and my niece Jessica came over from Central WA University. We all went out to Sequim and had a wonderful 3 days. I decided that my birthday present to myself would be a rhododendron for my front planting area in Sequim. There is a wonderful Rhododendron garden and nursery in Brinnon. I could have bought a dozen, but I came home with two beautiful and unusual rhodies, planted them and had a great time. I made myself a blackberry pie and had some friends for a birthday dinner. It was a good birthday. Bill was there, but the memories were good and I felt his love in all of its comfort and beauty. It was lovely having two sweet young ladies to share it with. I really appreciate my son in law Ron who has so freely shared his wife with me this year.

About 6 weeks ago mom got an invitation to a wedding in Baltimore and she decided that she wanted to go. I dithered (I do that a lot) and whined and then decided to just buck up and booked us 2 first class airline tickets, a car, and a hotel and we went. After I made the decision I realized that we would be flying home on Mother's Day. Thank goodness. I don't think that Mother's Day is so really bad for me because I have my children, but I knew that it would be a horrible day for mom. Bill was her only child and she struggles so much with why he died so young. She enjoyed seeing her family and we saw two close friends of Bill's and mine. It was a little bittersweet - fun to travel and eat great seafood, but Bill was everywhere since he grew up in Baltimore. I kept being reminded of all of the great stories he had about growing up in Baltimore. Bill was very lucky - he had a great childhood in a fun city.

There is a spot for him (and me too) in his family's cemetery plot in Baltimore. We visited Bill's dad at the cemetery and I stood there and thought about bringing Bill's cremains there. I really don't want to. I want him close by so I can visit, but I know that I won't be going weekly or anything. I think I will just leave it to God to let me know the right answer at the right time.

Gosh I have missed talking with you. I feel such affection and support from all of you. I am so very glad that Jesus walks with me daily. I have had some nights where I didn't sleep well, but then I sleep fine at other times. It has been 8 months since my sweet husband fell asleep and ended our earthly relationship. Praise God that we will be together for eternity. Have I ever said that I can sometimes hear him talk to me? Well - I do. Usually he tells me how happy he is being so close to Jesus and having the opportunity to learn from and worship the Master.

I was going to end with the Bible passage from I Corinthians 13:1-13 because it was read at the wedding mom and I went to last weekend and it was also read at our wedding, but while I was looking it up I noticed the passage on spiritual gifts and one body and many parts and Jesus said to use that because it is about how wonderful it is to be in the Christian family:

I Corinthians 12: 12-13: the body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, the form one body. So it is with Christ. For were all baptized by one Spirit into one body - whether Jew or Greeks, slave or free - and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.

Thank you all for being arms to hold me, hands to comfort me, and hearts to love me. I feel it and because of your support I am going on, one week, on day, one hour or whatever is necessary to keep living and doing God's will in this life.

Love to you all, Sue