I'm back

Hello Sweet friends and family,

I have thought about all of you a lot. I thought that I had to change my blog address. I wish that I were 3/4 computer literate instead of 1/2 computer literate. I went to write in the blog a few weeks ago and it told me that I had to do it through my "Google" account. I didn't think that I had a Google account, but I gave it a shot. Well, obviously it didn't work and I got frustrated and just didn't blog. The same thing happened tonight, but then I just typed in the blogger address manually and there was Bill's blog. My frustration level is fairly low.

So, I'll get the bad news over with. This has been a crappy year. Last week I lost the diamond in my engagement ring while at work. Of course I never found it and I am sure that it is gone. I have worn that diamond for almost 40 years and this year I lose Bill and I lose the diamond that he gave me. It wasn't a big diamond, but he shopped for it and gave it to me with all of the love in his heart. The hole in my heart just gets bigger and bigger. I guess that God really wants me to cling to him and to give up worldly things. So - I'll put the ring in my jewelry box. I cried my heart out several times and now I will just keep going.

This has been a long long month. I feel kind of stuck. I feel like this grinding grief is never going away. I am thinking of finding a grief group. Hospice has them, but they aren't at a convenient time. Of course there probably isn't ever a convenient time. I just feel like I'd like some movement. Of course I also don't ever want to feel better. It is weird. I miss Bill terribly and yet I find this pain unbearable. I did have a cold for 3 weeks so that probably made it even harder to keep going.

So, any good news. Well - I am enjoying the flowering trees and the daffodils that are blooming. My mother used to enjoy sending daffodils to her sisters and they are such a wonderful way of welcoming spring. My house smells like the hyacinths that I brought in yesterday. They are very pretty. I keep wanting to tell Bill that the particular tree that we loved to see bloom is blooming. Silly me - he can see the tree and probably in heaven all of the trees are beautiful. Or, he doesn't care because God has a different kind of heaven and Bill is totally focused on that. One thing I know and that is that Bill is in Jesus' loving arms and that he is totally happy. Gosh that helps to know that. You know, it isn't even that I believe it. I believe it so much that I know it. Praise God - he sacrificed everything for us and now Bill has eternal life and I have the promise of eternity with Jesus.

So, now that I have figured out how to get back into Bill's blog you will hear from me more. Sorry I let my frustration get the better of me and I sulked instead of arguing with this silly computer. Yes, I am sad. Yes, I am still saying yes to social engagements. Yes, I am still going to jazzercize, and yes I love my God. Sue