First Holidays

Hello dear family and friends,

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above." James 1:1:17.

I love Christmas. I love to think about and pray about Jesus' birth. The thought that Jesus humbled himself to live a life like mine and suffer all that I suffer just so that He could give me eternal life has always filled me with awe. I know that Bill is sitting at Jesus' feet and soaking up His love and wisdom like a sponge. I feel so divided this year. I still look forward to singing Silent Night and loving my Savior. At the same time I feel horrifically sad and the tears just flow. I miss him. I love him. My Christmas will have to be very Jesus focused this year because my heart is broken. As I write this I am immediately reminded that I am so blessed. First, I met Bill and I loved Bill and most of all, he loved me. God gave me a most precious gift and I would never have turned the gift of my sweet Bill down to avoid the pain I feel now.

Thanksgiving was actually okay. I received a card from some friends who said that they were praying for me and my family during the holidays, but they hoped that I have established some kind of routine and that the routine is helping somewhat. Boy - did God talk to me in that card. Yes, I do have some kind of routine and in fact my routine was too much for me in the morning so I even got flexible and moved my exercise and lunch for work making to the evening and it is a better routine. Routine helps so much. This year my life has been unpredictable and I am grateful that the dog greets me at the door (her whole body wriggling with joy), that my mother in law makes and cleans up dinner, and that I have an exercise bike to ride. I won't bore you with the rest of my routine. Just know that it helps and it took a friend to point that out to me. Keep writing, keep emailing, keep calling. You are my life line.

Amanda & I had a good time in North Carolina. Yes, I cried through Michael's wedding. But, at least some of those tears were tears of joy. Michael looked so happy when Tiffany walked down the aisle and a wedding is a good thing - an event blessed by God and enjoyed by all. A highlight of the reception was that I got to hold Mathew and Angie's youngest daughter for much of the time. A new baby is so sweet (and heavy after awhile). It also gave me something to do and made the reception fun. Amanda & I saw 2 plantations, one Revolutionary War veteran's home, and The Biltmore. North Carolina is a beautiful state. I often felt the constant underlying sadness of my life, but I had many good moments and Amanda was fun and tolerant of my anxiousness.

Ron joined us when me flew home on Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Somehow I had promised a prime rib for Thanksgiving and then a real Thanksgiving when my sister and family arrived on Friday. I have never cooked a prime rib & let me tell you - that is one expensive piece of meat. Fortunately, Jim McDaniels came to my rescue with a great recipe & the prime was prime. (Corny joke - I know). I really enjoyed having my family with me and I was able to be thankful for a few things on that day. Going to church continues to be difficult - I just keep expecting to see Bill at the front of the church. But, I wouldn't miss services and time with my church family and they are being wonderful. I get lots of hugs and lots of love.

I am looking forward to having Karl home with me at Christmas and Amanda and Ron arrive Dec 23.

Mom and I went to Sequim this weekend and I got to walk with two friends. That was very nice. Bill and I walked so much and it is lonely to walk the dog alone. Still - Kai is good company and I love her. I talked with some other friends about Bill's birthday (January 13) and I have decided to have a pot luck party for Bill/me in Sequim the weekend after his birthday. I am going to just call everyone out there that I can think of and tell them to bring something. Bill would have been 60 and I was planning a surprise birthday party for him. Well - the surprise is on me. Bill loved his parties so we are going to laugh and cry and eat - all good Lutheran things.

I will post more through out Christmas. Tomorrow mom and I will decorate the tree and I'll get a few things down for Christmas. I love my manger sets so I definitely will get those down. Jesus will be born and praise God for that.

I'll leave you with this thought. Bill owned several Bibles and they are scattered around both homes. I enjoy picking up one of his Bibles to see what he was reading at some time in the last year. This weekend I picked up the Bible on his night stand in Sequim. He was at the beginning of I Thessalonians. Of course God spoke to me through my reading. Paul wrote:

"We always thankGod for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ." I Thessalonians 1:2,3. I thought about Bill and how hopeful he was about joining the faithful with Christ. Then I thought about all of you and how much you have given of yourselves to me. Thank you isn't really adequate. May God richly bless each and every one of you in your spiritual life. May you grow close to Jesus like Bill did so that in the end you also are joyful in anticipation of eternal life. Love, Sue