Christmas is about Jesus

Hello dear friends and family,

First some joy. I have been reading I Thessalonians & read this the other night:

13: "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him....And the dead in Christ will rise first."

I know that I have read that before, but it really made me feel good that Paul would write so clearly about our Christian family who has died. I know that if I am alive when Christ comes again I will be looking for Bill - he will be there with all of the rest of Christ's family. It is nice to feel good about something.

Christmas is hard. There are so many memories, small rituals, "ways" we did things and I am reminded of my loss in hundreds of small ways every day. A Senior citizen counselor told me the other day that someday I will feel a "new normal." I like that idea. I know that I will never be the same again, but a different normal, one that isn't so painful will be nice. Somehow I believe that it will be a long time coming.

Sorry, this is kind of a downer. I did buy presents, and I am wearing my Christmas earrings so I am celebrating some. I am enjoying church - being with my Christian family is very very helpful.

I think that I am also struggling so much because Bill's mom is sick. She spent most of last week sleeping - like 23 hours a day. Yes, I mean that, 23 hours a day. I took her to the doctor on Friday and she has a Urinary Tract Infection. Frankly I was glad to hear that. I had jumped off the deep end and figured that I was losing her too. The doctor gave her some antibiotics and told us that she should feel better in a day or two. Last weekend was my weekend to work and by Sunday night it was clear to me that she wasn't better. She was still sleeping 23 hours a day. That really was her major symptom, no fever or nausea. So, I took Monday off and we went back to the doctor. He could hear wheezing in her breathing. Mom has Asthma, but hasn't had an episode in over 2 years. Well, she is having an episode now. Fortunately she doesn't have Pneumonia and she has some medications to open up her airways so that she can start to recover from this Asthma episode. Today when I came home she was actually awake. She still feels really crappy, but I am hopeful that she has turned a corner and is starting to recover. I don't mind taking care of her. It was the thought that I might lose her so quickly after losing Bill that frightened me.

Last week was also abnormally cold for Seattle and I worried about losing electricity or that it would snow. Every night I would pray that Jesus would let us keep our electricity and that I wouldn't have to cope with trying to go to work in the snow. I kept telling God that I just couldn't cope with that one more thing. I know - I am a big baby. It just all piled up on me. Gosh - it feels good to say it and let it go. I have been given several small booklets on grief from different people and for some reason I started to read one that a dear friend sent to me recently. Some of the information is helpful - like I am easily overwhelmed. Talking with all of you really helps a lot too. Of course, I do talk to people in person as well, or on the phone. I hope that I remember my whole life how much help phone calls have been and call people who lose someone in the future. I am not the greatest at making the calls, but I do enjoy hearing from people and finding out what is going on in their lives. It reminds me that not everyone is frozen in grief like me and that I will not be frozen in this pain forever. Bill would haunt me if I stayed this sad forever. He is happy. I will settle for some measure of peace. Well - I would like my mother in law to be healthy again too.

Please add my mother in law to your prayers. Pray that God gives her health again and that she and I can get through Christmas remembering my wonderful husband with joy that he is with that lovely baby Jesus. It is such a mixed feeling - missing Bill desperately and being so happy for him. That is where the Bible is so helpful - we have hope and confidence that Jesus died and rose again and Bill and all of the saints will come back when Christ comes again. WOW!

Love to you all, thanks for listening to me. It means a lot to me. Love, Sue