Another Sunday, another day of worship and joy that God loves us so much that He gave us Jesus to win eternal salvation for us.

Bill and I are having a quiet day. On Friday night God granted us a night of sleep. Praise God! We were up a few times, but Bill didn't have the four hour fever in the middle of the night. We both felt rested and that means a lot these days. Bill ate yogurt for breakfast and custard for lunch and that also was a good thing. Boost gives you nutrition, but Bill has always enjoyed good food and I feel better knowing that he is enjoying his meals a little more. He also ate some ice cream in the afternoon. Unfortunately the beastly fever came upon him in the evening so we had a rough Saturday evening, and then he got the four hour beast again at about 3:00 this morning so we didn't get a full night's rest. Bill has been sleeping since about 10:00 and I hope that he feels rested enough to take a shower later today. He is still very weak, doesn't go downstairs at all, and stays in bed.

I so enjoy your emails and comments. Your prayers, your thoughts, the hymns and songs that you quote, and the Bible passages feel my heart with hope and with comfort. Bill prayed that Jesus would give him the energy to get through all of the struggles that today may bring. Please add that to your prayers.

Karl starts school tomorrow. It is still pretty hot in Phoenix so I imagine that sitting in the air conditioned classrooms might feel pretty good. Amanda is still working weekends for Princess Cruise lines and I think actually works through mid September. So, Amanda is basically working 7 days a week. She and Ron bought an upright freezer the other day so she says the job is worth it. Those two are real go getters.

I really haven't talked much about how I take care of myself. I ride my exercise bike for 30 minutes every morning. I go about 11.5 miles on "Random" hill rides. Then I walk the dog (lovely Kai) to dry off my sweaty body. The physical activity feels good. I have become an organization nut and several drawers in my house are all organized and I have discovered some "stuff" I didn't know I still had. Mostly though I sit with my sweet William and enjoy our time together. Love to all of you and please continue to pray for a miracle. Love, Sue

Gosh, The whole week went by and I hardly noticed it. Thank you all for your tremendous support and love. Bill and I both have felt your love, concern, and care.

Bill and I continue to read Luke. On Tuesday I read a verse and he told me that I need to put that in the blog. I love that Bill is thinking of all of you and wants you to know what he is thinking to.

So our Bible thought for the day is Luke 10:20: However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven. God sure does know how to make us believers feel better. My name is written with Bill's name and so many of your names. WOW.

We are currently at Luke 16:16 - called "Additional teachings" in Bill's NIV Bible.

So, an update on our physical life in this world. Bill continues to stay in bed, is still pretty weak, and still has a lot of discomfort when trying to eat. This worries him so much that he limits himself to Boost or Ensure. As we all know, he is not going to gain any strength on that kind of a diet so today I am going to be more pushy about eating. We really have to get some help for the fevers that he runs at night. We are both up for 3 to 4 hours because he gets these fevers, he needs ice packs, he needs Tylenol, he needs water, he gets anxious, and of course everything aches. I rub his back, try all kinds of pillow arrangements, and generally hold him and tell him I love him. We see the nurse today and I plan to get a better plan of attack to keep these under control. We both need a night's sleep.

I had a long talk with our pulmunologist, Dr. Gorten. He plans to talk about Bill today at tumor board and will then let me know what the consensus is from all three doctors treating Bill about whether Bill's suffering is more from the treatment or the cancer. In the meantime the Hospice people have started and they are all really great. I know that I want Bill to live so I want this pain and suffering to be from treatment because that means that Bill could rally. But, I have placed Bill in God's hands and I will take this walk with Bill and Jesus. I will also encourage Bill to do things that may help him get stronger.

In the meantime Bill's ministry continues. I got a call from someone yesterday that he and a group of people had purchased boxes of Bibles for the jail ministry and they will have some High School students mark them as Bill has taught many of you to mark Bibles so people seeking faith and understanding about Jesus can start with the highlights of our remarkable God. Otherwise people just start with Genesis and get bogged down with the lists of names and soon stop reading and learning. Bill didn't invent this system, but has had women's groups, students, and just plain folks marking Bibles for years so that when the jail Chaplains give a Bible it comes with a road map to salvation. Those boxes will soon be ready for distribution to the King County Jail. Bill smiled when I told him that. Getting Bibles to prisoners was a big part of his ministry.

I did spend some time in my garden yesterday, trimming old roses and picking off dead pansies. I do love to grub in the garden and our roses are particularly beautiful with their third bloom on the season. The good news about being off of work is that I have tended the garden a little better than some other summers. I had an eye doctor appointment yesterday. I was almost out of contact lenses so I had to go. A good friend, a nurse, sat with Bill. This was a good thing because I get a different perspective on how he is doing. She told me some strengths that she saw in him (like being able to sit up by himself and hold himself up) and that felt good. Oh, and my eyes are in great shape, only a very small change to the prescription.

While Amanda and Ron were here we had a local photographer come to our home and had some pictures taken. We have a family membership and they offered a "Deal." Those of you who know me know that I am such a "Bargain Betty" that I would only go for a deal. I am so glad that we did this and today the photographer is coming so that I can order pictures. We didn't get a family picture because Karl had already returned to Arizona, but I hope that we can get group pictures with him at another time. I admit that I ordered a picture of Bill and I kissing each other. Yes folks, we kissed each other right out on our front lawn in front of God and the photographer. Yes, we did it in front of our children. Ron and Amanda wouldn't kiss for the photographer. So, I guess love does get better and better as the years pass. Okay - that was my attempt at humor. I haven't laughed much this week, but both Bill and I know that we need to do that to.

The only other tidbit for today is that we are having construction done on the corner and street that we live on and we are the second house from the corner. Yesterday the big machines kept beeping as they backed up over and over. Bill asked what the heck was going on and I reminded him about the construction. He said, "I really know how to pick a time to get sick. I get to put up with everything." It is 7:20 in the morning and the big machines are revving up for the day and beep beep beeping along. Oh boy - another day.

I'll end with one of the Bible verses sent in a card this week:
Romans 12:12: Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

We pray with hope for a miracle and more time together with minimal suffering. We struggle to be patient with affliction, but Jesus is there with us as we try to find ways to accept this. We hope that all of you will be faithful in praying for Bill - for healing if it is God's will, and for help with this suffering. I would appreciate prayers for humor, patience with the professional team (Just make him better for Pete's sake!), and an appreciation of how wonderful my sweet William is. Much love to you all, Sue

I really don't know how to write today's blog. My heart is so heavy and I don't have good news.

We saw the oncologist Dr. West yesterday because Bill was even more tired, in more discomfort (chest pain and back pain), and had 3 nights of fevers for 3-4 hours. Dr. West told us that Bill's 3 doctors don't believe that the treatment for this cancer have been working and they don't think that anything that they have to offer will significantly stop the cancer and prolong Bill's life with any sense of dignity and more importantly, comfort. The doctors recommended taking a rest from all treatment and getting help from Hospice.

Bill was very quiet while Dr. West talked with us. He asked him how long, and of course there is no good answer for that. Dr. West told us that it could be as short as weeks and that perhaps as the side effects of the radiation diminish Bill would regain a small amount of strength and be able to eat more comfortably and in that case it could be months. Bill asked Dr. West what he can expect and Dr. West told us that Bill will just get weaker, will sleep more, lose his appetite and eventually just fall asleep. There will probably be some discomfort - pain in the chest and back and Hospice will help us with that. Dr. West also said that the tumor effects people differently so he really can't tell us exactly when or what will happen.

Bill told me later, while waiting for the nurse to tell us that Hospice has been arranged, that he has talked with God and told God that he is ready. I am not ready, but I know that I will never be ready. We both are still praying for a miracle, that Jesus would free Bill from this tumor. But, we are also both praying that God will provide small mercies and that Bill will not suffer and will join Jesus without a lot of pain.

I told both children last night and we have told them to both stay where they are and keep on with their lives. Karl starts school on Monday and Amanda is already in the new school year. We are both so grateful that they were able to come and spend time with Bill when he felt a little better. He enjoyed both of them so much.

I know that there is probably more to say. I just don't know how to say it right now. I have been reciting Psalm 23, and just read it from the Contemporary English version:

You Lord are my shepherd. I will never be in need. You let me rest in fields of green grass. You lead me to streams of peaceful water, and you refresh my life.

You are true to your name and you lead me along the right paths. I may walk through valleys as dark as death, but I won't be afraid. You are with me, and your shepherd's rod makes me feel safe.

You treat me to a feast while my enemies watch. You honor me as your guest and you fill my cup until it overflows.

Your kindness and love will aways be with me each day of my life, and I will live forever in your house, Lord.

We are praying for God's kindness and hope that you will all pray with us. Much love, Sue

Hi all, Just a quick blog today. Bill saw Dr. Mehta, the radiology oncologist yesterday and the doctor told him that he is giving Bill a 4 day break from radiation so that the burn on his esophagus will calm down and hopefully Bill will be able to eat more. He won't get radiation until Tuesday. Right now Bill is only eating Ensure or Boost, nutritional drinks because even the softest foods are too painful to get down. Dr. Mehta told Bill that even though it feels like heart burn it really is that the esophagus is "sunburned." Even though it means that he will have to have radiation all of next week instead of just through Wednesday we are grateful for the break and hope that he can eat for a day or two. He still isn't eating today, but he added some applesauce with lunch so he is trying.

Please keep praying for small mercies - we want Bill to have some nutrition. Much love to you all.

"You have me in -- behind and and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

Good morning, I guess that it is time to update Bill's blog. I have been praying on the verse in John 14:27: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. I think that the thought for the week is that Cancer is not for sissies or the faint of heart. This has been a difficult week for Bill.

Bill has radiation until August 19. He is feeling the full impact of radiation and is extremely weak and tired. His exercise is now walking the hallway, not going down the block. Sometimes he needs to use a wheelchair to get back to the car from a radiation treatment. I actually think that what feels worse for him is that he has heart burn that is increasingly painful. It started with pain when he eats and now he has heart burn almost all of the time. He has medicine that he swallows to coat his esophagus and stomach. It works for about 12 minutes, but it makes it harder for him to swallow so now he eats things like soup or ensure so that he can get as much nutrition down in a short period of time. He has another medicine to swallow in between meals to coat his stomach, but that doesn't seem to work well.

Yesterday the doctor prescribed Protonix to stop the stomach from producing acid. We ran into the typical insurance snafu that the insurance requires that Bill try a less expensive medicine, Omeprozole first and that the doctor or pharmacist call the insurance company before they would pay for anything. It interests me to watch TV with the current debate about health care. I think that the people who don't want the government to come between them and their doctor haven't been sick lately and don't realize that their private insurance plan already comes between them and their doctor. We normally don't pay much attention to this, but yesterday the pharmacist said the doctor had to call and then told me that it could take days for this to get resolved. My poor sweet husband needed that medicine before dinner yesterday so that he could eat so I got mad and called the insurance company. Yes, they do require all of the above, but they have a 24 hour call in line for either the pharmacist or doctor to call them. I called the pharmacist and told her that we would move our prescriptions to another pharmacy if she couldn't take the time to call the insurance and she did call so Bill got his medicines. I also called the doctor and his nurse called back right away. They had been working on it all afternoon. All of this calling back and forth and if one person in the call tree decides that they don't have time or that it costs them too much to call, then the patient doesn't get his medicine. I bet that I could have described this better, but the bottom line for me is that Bill got this new medicine, the cheaper one, not the one the doctor prescribed, and we hope that it works. If not, the doctor will call the insurance and they will let Bill have the originally prescribed medicine because he at least tried the cheaper medicine. Modern medicine!

Bill had a rough night, also unusual. He had been sleeping pretty well through the night, but last night he had heart burn pain, and his back was hurting from lying down so much. So fellow travelers on this painful journey please pray that the medicines to control the symptoms of the effects of radiation start working for Bill and that he can rest better and eat better. We want Jesus to heal this horrible tumor, but we also want Bill to have some comfort while he battles this horrible illness. We really need Jesus to rock us in His arms today. Please also pray that I find diplomatic ways to convince all of his care providers and his insurance people to work for his benefit. We need them to want to work for us and I want to save anger for the big fights. I know that I am absolutely furious with the Devil for visiting this tumor on my husband, but those in the battle to save him don't need to feel my wrath. Gosh, it felt good just to write this. Maybe this blog stuff is a good thing.

So, we read our Bible, what sweet words of comfort it brings to us. We are trying to figure out if I can go to work next week. I work three days next week, and they are Bill's last 3 days of radiation. I don't know if he can be alone during the day except for the times that someone takes him to radiation. We are working on some ideas, but I may just take the time that work has offered and stay home. So, I think I have rambled enough. Continue to pray and keep us in your positive thoughts. Much love to all who journey with us, Sue

Sunday - a day of rest

Well, I worked this weekend and Bill enjoyed a last weekend with Amanda and Ron. Those two worked their little hearts out. Ron painted a bedroom. Our blue bedrooms that our children picked many years ago are now a more neutral taupe. I hope I spelled that right. Then, the kids went out and bought us a webcam -we are on Skype. So if you are on Skype tell us your "handle" or name on sykype and then we can talk to you. The web cam is on about $25.00 and skype is free. I can't figure out why we haven't all hooked up so that we can look at each other while we talk to each other. Bill says that the techie kids are dragging us along.

Bill is getting more and more tired. He is definitely tired of staying in bed so much, but that is what he does. We need to remember to ask the doctor when he will start to get some energy back after radiation. The biggest problem is that the heart burn is really causing problems for eating. Fortunately we aren't blazing trails here and the doctors and pharmacists have helped people before us with this. A pharmacist has developed a concoction called "Magic Mouthwash." Bill swallows 2 tablespoons and it coats his esophagus and stomach and allows him to eat pain free for about 15 minutes. We get his plate ready to go and then he swallows his magic and eats his meal. He can use it 4 times a day so he gets 3 meals and a snack. He tried to eat a cookie tonight, but without this stuff eating just isn't fun. He is drinking a nutrition drink like Ensure or Boost every afternoon and fortunately they don't cause heart burn so at least he gets something.

Tonight we ate Amanda and Ron's wedding cake top. It has been in our freezer for a year. Yum yum. Actually it was pretty good, carrot cake. We took pictures and our dog hoped that Ron and Amanda would drop cake on the floor while they fed each other. It is hard to believe that it has been a year since the wedding. That was a truly lovely day.

Bill did attend church today and loves being with his church family. Redeemer really pulls together to proclaim God's love for all of us. This weekend I think that Jesus carried us on His shoulders. I'm glad that he is so strong and takes such good care of us. I'll leave you with this verse: It is a good thought: "We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 Keep praying. We certainly are. Love, Sue

More Radiation in our future

We saw Dr. Mehta, the Radiology Oncologist today and he told Bill that Bill has been handling the radiation well so they are going to give him the full amount of radiation that was scheduled. So Bill will get a total of 25 sessions of radiation and his last session is August 19. Dr. Mehta said that they wouldn't see that the tumor has shrunk for 3 months and that the tumor could actually show shrinkage for up to a year. Wow. The tumor leave scar tissue and it takes a long time for the actual shrinkage to show up on a scan. Well - I guess that we will have to be patient.

For those of you who are local and read this we need drivers for radiation on Monday 8/17, Tuesday 8/18, and Wednesday 8/19. Bill's radiation appointment is at 1:00, at 1221 Madison, and parking is provided next door at no cost. Bill gets picked up at 12:15 and we are usually home by 2:00. I am scheduled to work on those days and would appreciate anyone who might have time to take him. Just call me at 206-236-6271 and I'll put you on the schedule. The other days are covered now.

We have enjoyed some visits from some pastors in the area and some mighty powerful prayer. Bill is very tired most of the time and is also having some heart burn from the radiation. He has never suffered from heart burn and is now looking into the over the counter "stuff" like lots of people do. The doctors told him that over the counter meds should work fine, and if not they have something that might help. His esophagus gets "sunburned" with the radiation so food goes down a little harder.

Our son in law Ron arrived very late last night and I made donuts for the crew this morning. He has helped me with some stuff on my computer - a son in law worth his weight in gold. He and Amanda are going to the Mariner's game tonight - hoping to get a bobble head doll of Ken Griffey, Jr. Ron played baseball into college and likes to go 2 hours early to watch batting practice so I am guessing that they will get that doll! Karl got back to Arizona safely and was going out to swim at the river with some friends today. He is back to the heat. We actually are still in cooler than normal weather, but are enjoying it because of the horrible heat that we had last week.

Bill's mom had a small vertigo attack last night and is better today, but will need to take it easy for a week or two. She had one about 2 months ago and we went to the doctor, but it is a function of age and brain and ears. The best medicine is actually some exercises that the Physical Therapist taught her so she is staying at home and getting better. We love her so.

Today I read John and found this verse to be helpful: John 14:18: I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

Bill and I feel the presence of Jesus in our home and our lives. We know that He is carrying us today and tomorrow. We certainly could not walk this walk by ourselves. Best of all He has sent angels by the legion to walk with us. We so appreciate all of you and all of our other friends and family who pray for us and with us and who love us. Thank you all.