How do I talk about life after Bill? I guess that to be truthful I have laughed, and enjoyed myself, and I have cried and wailed and I have been crabby and mean because I just don't want to deal with everything that is going on.

When people visit I tell funny stories about Bill and hear their funny stories about Bill. He had a great sense of humor, wasn't afraid to be the butt of a joke, and loved the absurd. He loved to be around others, always wanted to have people over, have Happy Hour with friends, go try new things and see new things. I have talked about my pathetic attempts at nursing. Did you know that the human head is very heavy? Someone said that it weighs like a bowling ball. Bill always wanted the ice pack under his head, but lifting his head, fluffing the pillow, and slipping the ice pack under his head required more coordination than I have. I would talk to him and explain what I was doing so that he would be prepared for clumsy Sue. I laughed at myself and before he got too sick Bill would smile at me too. Thank goodness that Bill loved so many of you so that you are able to provide me with fun and loving stories about Bill.

I find it very hard to concentrate and start to do something and then my mind goes blank and I go do something else. I did do the obituary today. It will be in the Seattle Times on Friday. I found Bill's Resume' so it was easier to write. I left stuff out - I know that, but it is very expensive and Bill would want me to send the money to missions, not spend it on glorifying him. So - it is what it is.

Amanda and my sister Kristin are here. They are keeping me sane, picking up the house, and helping me make decisions. I snapped at both of them a few times today. That has to stop. I can be angry, but I don't want to snap at my two loving helpers. I have been able to get to sleep at a decent time every night, but wake up early. This morning I woke up at 3:00 am. Unfortunately I immediately am aware that I am alone in my big bed and then start "thinking" and missing Bill. So, I got up and messed around until Amanda and Kris got up. Tonight I am going to take a sleeping aide and try to get a good night's rest. I really don't want to be crabby.

Tomorrow we will finalize the service and Karl arrives. I will have to get through another day. I was going to do laundry today, but fortunately Kris took over. At least I'll have clean undies for the Memorial. No - don't ask me about them!!

So, God is good. He constantly reminds me that Bill was very ill, felt horrible, and was ready to join the Heavenly Chorus. I see His glory in Bill's beautiful flowers, and enjoy our dog's adoration while I walk her. I know that God has a good plan for me. I plan to practice patience so I can rest in Jesus' arms and wait for my future. Going through grief is no fun. Well - I guess that is a little bit of a lie, because there is always fun. My sister loves baseball and the Mariners were playing today and leaving for the weekend. So, we all went to the game, ate ball park food, danced to the crazy music, clapped, laughed, and cheered when they won. So - pray for me, love me, and kick me in the but when I need it. I love you all. Sue

Oops -Bible passage -Bill told me to include the passage about the road to Emmaus in his Memorial: Luke 24:13-33. Two of the disciples were on the road to Emmaus. They meet Jesus, don't recognize him, and tell him how sad they are that Jesus was crucified and that the tomb is empty. They invite Jesus to supper: 30: When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized hm, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, "were not our heart burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?" When you meet Jesus on the road to Emmaus, open your arms and embrace Him. Bill recognized Jesus and went with joy. I hope that I recognize Jesus. Love, Sue